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Members of the U.S. women’s hockey team sent several ICE agents to the hospital in Milan on Monday morning after agents attempted to detain the players for carrying “weapons of mass destruction,” including hockey sticks and skate blades.
The incident occurred a few hours before the Americans defeated Sweden 5-0 in the semifinal.
The team was walking to an outdoor photo shoot outside the arena when ICE agents — a unit assigned to Olympic security — stopped them and asked for identification, claiming they were entering a secure area within the Olympic Village.
“Then one of the agents started screaming that we had weapons of mass destruction,” said Sara Redline, a left winger for Team USA. “We thought he was joking.”
Redline said other agents then began shoving players while yelling at them to put down their “weapons,” get on the ground and stop resisting.
“We just started laughing, which I guess made them really mad,” Redline said. “But when they went after our goalie, it was no longer a laughing matter.
“You do not touch our goalie, ever, unless you want to lose some teeth.”
Teammates immediately swarmed the agents and, according to Italian photographer Sergio Magnabosco, “they keeked their asses. Beeg time.”
While the scuffle lasted only three or four seconds, it reportedly left several agents down for the count. Injuries allegedly included broken teeth and noses, concussions, slashing injuries to the backs of the legs and severely bruised egos.
“This will seriously damage the fragile male ego that every single one of my agents relies on for daily function,” said ICE team leader Hugh Jassole. “This will also destroy their hubris, which they also cannot operate without.”
Redline said the team laughed about the incident “for a few minutes” and then forgot about it.
“They were such fat little babies,” Redline said with a laugh. “More than a few were crying, including the ones we didn’t even touch.”
Team USA has slayed everyone in their path during these Olympic Games, outscoring opponents 31-1, including five consecutive shutouts. The Americans advance to the final and will face the winner of Canada vs. Switzerland — which, realistically, means Canada — on Thursday.
