Gary is best friends with Tela. Gary enjoys writing.
The line, which was set at 14-1 last week, was shortened due to Trump’s certifiably insane comments on Easter Sunday and renewed warnings from the president’s mentor — Satan — that he may in fact “fuck the world in the face.”
In response to an upsetting, “unpatriotic” question about Iran, an irate Secretary of War Pete “I will kill you if you question the Iran War” Hegseth threw a tantrum, got absolutely plastered, stole a jet ski and rode it through the Hormuz Strait. He unfortunately survived.
“After three hours of bombing Iran the boys were exhausted, filthy and smelled like sticky candy,” said Martha Momerton, a White House nanny. “We fed them, took away their sugar snacks and got them all in the tub for a nice long bath.”
Cougars — identified as older, sexually aggressive women — attacked several young men over the busy holiday, according to Ketchum PD; local group provided safari tours to public.
Five ICE agents were sent to the hospital with injuries including broken noses, missing teeth and “remarkable slashing wounds” after they tried to detain the team for carrying what they described as weapons such as “big sticks and skate blades as sharp as knives.”
Directive is aimed at alleviating president’s desperate feelings of inadequacy as a man; Former NFL linebacker to Trump: “I have pet lions that would love to play with you.”
Owsley, a 3-year-old golden retriever from Ketchum, said he’s “convinced” that a tennis ball visible through the clear ice of a frozen pond near his home is “actually a demon trying to make me lose my [expletive] mind.”
Former investment banker and Connecticut transplant Bill Thomas simply cannot relax; his wife says he needs purpose to fuel his tireless work ethic, maintain a rigid routine and boss people around.
Members of the 45th Mechanized Penguin Brigade secured beachheads ahead of the seals’ landfall.
Agents say puppy was aggressive and they feared for their lives; Trump to honor agent during White House ceremony Saturday evening.
For more than 30 years Robert Weir and the Grateful Dead have been a central part of my life on many levels. I am brokenhearted but also full of love and gratitude. Enjoy your trip, Bobby. Not fade away.
An argument about the alleged control that billionaire Trump donors have over AI escalated to shouting, screaming, a broken iPad, crying, apologies to staff and patrons and a chocolate croissant to go.