Darren Vickers, a 40-year valley resident and daily skier, enjoyed early ups on Baldy, skiing as fast as he wanted down College, access to closed terrain, and free coffee and pastries in Lookout Lodge.“It was a great season,” Vickers said. “Despite my efforts, I made zero busts.”
Fourth-grader Trent Gabriel could be heard squealing with delight as he skimmed the treetops of the cottonwood-lined Big Wood River corridor on his way to the Community School on Monday morning. He instantly achieved “legend” status among his peers.
In response to an upsetting, “unpatriotic” question about Iran, an irate Secretary of War Pete “I will kill you if you question the Iran War” Hegseth threw a tantrum, got absolutely plastered, stole a jet ski and rode it through the Hormuz Strait. He unfortunately survived.
The president’s son has already been promoted to the rank of four-star general and will direct combat operations in Iran from a posh chalet in a picturesque Swiss Alps village with a vibrant arts and dining scene.
The devil said Israel, with help from Jeffrey Epstein, spent decades blackmailing U.S. politicians to secure American support for war with Iran and genocide in Gaza. “Trump is a pedophile, as are many American figures,” Satan said. “And thanks to Epstein, Netanyahu has the proof.”
The Jack Russell terrier said he’s afraid his owner, Marjorie Magatron, is destroying his soul with her irrational and aggressive support for President Donald Trump. “Her ignorance plays off her crazy, and vice versa,” the terrier said. “Please help me.”
A deluxe king-size waterbed, erotic studio lighting, seductive set design and lube stations remain intact, making the jet attractive to porn producers across the globe; dogs still hope to burn the jet in a sacrificial ceremony.
Cougars — identified as older, sexually aggressive women — attacked several young men over the busy holiday, according to Ketchum PD; local group provided safari tours to public.
A hulking Soviet-era helicopter with rocket capabilities was purchased by SVSEF to provide access to more aggressive big-mountain terrain for enhanced freeride training. Students will also learn how to fire rockets and use dynamite for avalanche control work.
Owsley, a 3-year-old golden retriever from Ketchum, said he’s “convinced” that a tennis ball visible through the clear ice of a frozen pond near his home is “actually a demon trying to make me lose my [expletive] mind.”
The pro freeride skier and former SVSEF athlete will compete in the downhill and super-G events after an unplanned and unexpected victory last month in Austria caught the attention of U.S. coaches.
Young ripper from Hailey passed out in the backseat of the car on the way home; both hot cocoas had extra marshmallows.
Although the trials are likely still years away, construction is nearly complete on a courthouse and jail the town says will be needed to handle an expected influx of ICE officers facing serious criminal charges.
“I used to specialize in hunting down Nazi scum. This Bovino guy was a fraud — an easy take,” said one American GI ghost who tracked and detained Nazi war criminals in Germany in the years immediately following the end of World War II.
Disappointment turns to excitement when group of five lead entire restaurant in epic hours-long Lady Gaga dance party; “Born This Way” played at least 11 times.
International community criticizes Denmark for mocking a man with dementia after Nobel Peace Prize rejection and attempted Greenland grab; France’s Trudeau is énervé.