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A group of American GI ghosts from World War II kidnapped ICE Komandant Greg Bovino late Monday night and shipped him to Russia, where Soviet ghosts are expected to sentence him to life in a Siberian gulag.
The GI ghosts, all combat veterans, said the overnight raid went “smooth as silk.”
“First of all, I cannot believe we had to come back to fight this Nazi scum again, 85 years later,” said GI ghost Joe McLaren, who fought Nazis from Normandy to Berlin. “But let me tell you something: These are paper Nazis — baby Nazis. They’re fat, frightened, stupid little boys playing out racist, murderous fantasies.”
McLaren said capturing Bovino and slipping past his squadron of ICE minions “was easy as pie,” since immigration officers were distracted.
“They’re pathetic,” he said, laughing. “They didn’t even know we were there — for obvious reasons. And they were all staring at pornographic images on their little hand computers or whatever they are.”
The GI ghosts initially considered sending Bovino to the detainment center in the new city of Nuremberg, Minn., but the facility is still under construction.
Known as Minne-Gitmo, the jail is expected to house some of the most dangerous terrorists on American soil — ICE officers and commanders, along with certain elected and appointed officials — as they await trials once Trump leaves office.
“It’s going to be full of a lot of bad guys,” said Nuremberg Mayor Bob “I Hate Nazis” Jackson. “The worst of the worst.”
(See today’s related story on the new town of Nuremberg, Minn.)
McLaren said he and his fellow ghosts were happy to send Bovino to Siberia instead.
“We actually preferred that option,” McLaren said. “We feel like Siberia is a more fitting location for him. And the Soviet ghosts were really, really excited about it.
“They couldn’t stop dancing.”
Bovino, whose grandparents were Italian immigrants who lived in the United States illegally for 10 years before even filing for citizenship (true), was flown to Moscow Tuesday morning. From there, he will be transported by donkey to Siberia — an expedition expected to take up to six weeks.
“We think he and that donkey will become very close,” McLaren said with a chuckle.
He added that the GIs worked in conjunction with Soviet ghosts and that the Russians “were actually not so bad — mostly because we both hate Nazis.”
