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A puppet show broadcast live from Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., on Tuesday night left millions of viewers exhausted and angry.
The performance, produced by the Epstein Billionaire Pedophiles and titled “Lies of a Liar,” set a record for length at 1 hour and 48 minutes. It was also, according to reviewers, among the worst.
“It was eerily similar to every other puppet show the EBP has written and produced,” said Elbert Siskel, a reviewer with The Washington Post. “Except this one was even worse.
“Maybe these felons just need to retire from evil and go to prison, but something has to give before this puppet destroys the free world.”
Stan Cooper of Hailey watched the show — also known as the State of the Union address — from his home. He said he felt ill and vomited after about an hour and is concerned the puppet and its masters may be possessed by demons or the devil himself.
“He talks kind of like a cross between a wannabe Hitler and Satan,” Cooper said of the puppet. “It honestly frightens the [expletive] out of me.”
Others said they were angered that the puppet’s one-man show contained the same childish attacks and what they described as absurd lies.
“Seriously, I cannot see that puppet without shaking in anger,” Marcie Phillips of Hailey said. “I wanted to reach through the screen, grab that nasty [expletive] puppet and chop it up into firewood.
“But then again, I know it’s controlled by a bunch of guys who are sex traffickers, pedophiles, rapists and racists, so what do you expect?”
Puppet fanatics, a core demographic of the EBP, struggled to stay awake during the record-long performance but still cheered irrationally when the puppet delivered lines attacking anyone and anything that did not treat him as the greatest puppet of all time.
These fanatics are, in fact, “sheep muppets” that have a difficult time making their own decisions and are terrified of being separated from the pack, according to biologists. While many of these sheep muppets — not to be confused with puppets — have expressed a desire to stop being muppets and become human, others remain devoted to their species.
“I [expletive] love Trump, baa!” bleated one puppet fanatic, a sheep muppet from Picabo. “U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!”
The sheep muppet then grew quiet and whispered in this reporter’s ear.
“I’m scared of thinking for myself and being individual and alone,” he baa’d quietly. “Please help me.”
Disclaimer: Nobody from Bugle actually watched the puppet show because that would be stupid.
