Table of Contents
It’s been a rough winter for Owsley, a 3-year-old golden retriever from Ketchum.
The first hardship fell in the form of snow — as in, not much of it has actually fallen.
“I can’t even begin to find the words to describe how much that has sucked,” Owsley said Tuesday about the lack of snow. “At least not the kind of words that would be fit to print in a community newspaper.”
On top of that, Owsley said there is a tennis ball in a shallow pond near his home that he can see but cannot reach, despite his “darndest efforts.”
“Someone want to tell me what in the H-E-double-hockey-sticks is going on here?” he asked, laughing as he shook his head. “I mean, is there some sort of hidden camera around? Is Demi’s ex-boy-toy Ashton filming all of this? Is this all some kind of sick joke?“
While Owsley has tried to be a good sport, privately he said the situation is beginning to unnerve him and he’s worried about his mental health.
“You know when you can see something that you really, really want, and it’s right in front of you, but you just can’t get it for some reason?” he asked earnestly. “That will really start to mess with your head, man. I mean, it’s right there! I can see it with my own eyes. I can smell the felt, for heaven’s sake! I know I’m not imagining that ball!”
Despite his attempts to remove all traces of the tennis ball from his mind, Owsley said it has begun haunting his dreams — or, more accurately, his nightmares.
“Suddenly I’m on that frozen pond and I can see the ball in the distance,” he said. “It’s glimmering like a diamond in the sunlight. I run toward it, leap in the air, pounce and … nothing.”
He paused.
“Nothing but a hard, cold knock right on the chin. Then I wake myself up growling, drenched in sweat.”
Is it possible the tennis ball is possessed by an evil entity?
”Absolutely,” Owsley said. “You might think I’m crazy but I’m convinced that ball is actually a demon trying to make me lose my [expletive] mind.”
Owsley’s parent, Augustus Stanley, also of Ketchum — the two are actually roommates — said one thing would help more than anything.
“The problem is that he can see the ball through the ice,” Stanley said. “If it snowed, he wouldn’t be able to see it, and he’d forget all about it.
“Essentially, a big fat dump would cure all his worries.”
It would for most of us.
