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Terry, a 5-year-old Jack Russell terrier from Ketchum, is afraid his insane owner might also be driving him insane.
“She’s [expletive] nuts,” Terry said. “I can’t handle this crap much longer without going crazy myself.”
He said his owner, Marjorie Magatron, is “wound super tight” and spends almost all of her time aggressively defending President Donald Trump and slandering Democrats.
“So irrational. So ignorant. So self-righteous and bizarrely mean,” Terry said. “All because she thinks Trump is on a mission from Jesus.
“But would Jesus support a rapist pedophile, liar and war criminal? I mean, get real — Trump might actually be on a mission from the devil.”
Terry has been in therapy for nearly three weeks, and while it has helped, he wonders if it’s enough to save him.
Magatron spends most of her time complaining about liberals and hurling insults at people whose beliefs do not align with her own.
“She called me a ‘libtard’ the other day,” Terry said. “That was simply because I made a joke about how Trump has replaced Ayatollah Khamenei with Ayatollah Khamenei. She didn’t think that was funny.”
Magatron’s day starts early. Waking at 4 a.m., she brews a cup of coffee — mixed with three shots of Wild Turkey whiskey — before settling in front of the television to watch her all-time favorite show, Fox & Friends. (Recipe for Magatron’s morning coffee at bottom of story)
Broadcast daily on Fox News, the three-hour morning show is wildly popular among the ignorant and stupid and features a variety of demons and evil spirits who support rape and pedophilia. It’s also known for its subpar acting.
“She makes me get up and watch it with her, which is truly a waking nightmare,” Terry said. “I’m coming unglued, man.”
With the volume turned up to what Terry described as “untenable levels,” Magatron spends the next three hours giggling, chortling, crying, yelling and screaming at the television.
“The other day she threw the television remote through the drywall simply because Fox & Friends played footage of ICE protesters,” Terry said, shaking his head. “It’s stuck somewhere between the walls. So Fox News is now on 24/7.”
Terry said Magatron suffers from what is known as Trump Derangement Syndrome, a condition that has afflicted millions of Americans.
Psychologist Steve Freud said what makes TDS so dangerous is that MAGA supporters believe it applies to Democrats.
“It’s actually the other way around,” Freud said. “It was originally coined in 2016 in reference to the supreme levels of derangement it would require to support Trump.”
Terry said he tried to point this out to Magatron a few weeks ago — that Trump is, in fact, a rapist and that his name and image appear in a majority of the redacted pages in the Epstein files — but it only made things worse.
“It earned me a new nickname, ‘Satan’s little helper,’” Terry said. “Will someone please adopt me?”
*Magatron’s morning coffee special:
3 ounces of Wild Turkey whiskey
Splash of instant coffee
